If you can't remember it you might have blocked it out to protect yourself.
[D has had people cry on him before and he doesn't mind. He wouldn't mind if Sharon leaned on him for that but doesn't think she will. So he's offering the touch he wouldn't normally volunteer.]
You might still have a connection to that place instead of merely remembering it. It was the place where you suffered, and so when you suffer your mind is drawn there or to those memories.
[Sharon's guardian makes D think she's still connected, but he's not quite ready to voice those theories.]
Maybe. [ it’s something she’s considered before. there are gaps in her memory. she’s always chalked it up to how much was happening. between the relentless physical pain her body was going through post-burning to the mental anguish, it made sense to her that some things got lost. but it’s possible that some of her actions back then had scarred her more than she could handle. ]
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. [ she whispers like it’s some fearful thing or a dangerous secret the rest of the world shouldn’t be privy to ] I sometimes wonder if it’s with me, that wherever I exist it exists. That maybe one day something will happen here and push me over some imaginary ledge and I’ll drag the people here into that hell.
[ that frightens her as much as it comforts her and the comfort she feels disturbs her. ]
I can't say that's impossible, but it's not as dire as it sounds.
The odds that no one here has an ability that could get us out are very low.
[D could probably do it, but Sharon's connection to this place make his options risky to her in this hypothetical situation.]
We can work on exploring your connection to your guardian and the other world if that's something you want, but that's a path that might leave you unable to return to how you are now.
But they’ll see, D. [ her words are still a whisper and her eyes are wet and wide, the fear in them plain. ] They’ll see what I am there.
[ her fear is less that people will be trapped there and more the possible judgement that would come after. the looks. the whispers. even the faintest possibility that she’ll be seen like Alessa had been, a demon and a monster and the living embodiment of sin, makes her heart start to race and palms sweat. ]
I don’t want to be seen as a monster again and I’m afraid that’s what I am. If I open that place up, that’s what I’ll be again.
[ as he finishes speaking, Sharon holds his gaze, blue eyes searching his features for any sign of falsities as if it’s an action she can’t help, a distrust she can’t shake even after all these years. she’s only ever confided these fears to Rose and even then she’d fretted. when she finds none, her expression breaks apart, fear unfurling into an amalgamation of sorrow and relief.
tears pool at the corners of her vision and before she starts to cry she launches herself forward to wrap her arms around him in a desperate embrace; clinging to him, burying her face. ]
[ no sobs wrack her body; she doesn’t shake as she weeps. her tears are nearly silent and she lets them go until she has no more left inside. even with no more tears left, she remains pressed against him, clinging. she’s always kept her expectations of others in check, careful to never have too much faith in them. Dahlia made sure her trust would be tenuous with even those she’s grown to care for, always expecting some betrayal or abandonment in the back of her mind.
Rose and Chris had given her fresh faith, however, and D has helped strengthen that faith.
after a time, she finally pulls back, cheeks still damp, eyes puffy. she avoids eye contact now, almost as if she were ashamed of herself. she rubs the fabric of her pajamas between index and thumb in an anxious manner, eyes downcast. ]
Sorry. [ she forces the apology out, the word tight. ] I guess I’m… I’m feeling worse than I thought.
[ between the grief and the exhaustion and relief brought on by D’s words, she’s drained. ]
If you have everything you need we can go. Don't go to the upper floors of the tower uninvited. My other guest is worried he'll accidentally harm people.
[He expects Sharon to give Nico enough space. He's seen the two of them talking, and she of all people can understand the worry of power going out of her control and harming others.]
The second floor and everything below it are free to use.
[ were she feeling even a little okay, she may have pressed him about his other guest or playfully joked about her habit of breaking rules. instead, she just nods numbly before she stands up. ]
I’ll grab my shit. Give me a minute. [ she exits the living room with a shuffle and, by the creaking sounds of the staircase, heads upstairs. it only takes a few minutes before she stumbles back down them, a leather bag slung over a shoulder, stuffed hastily with clothes and various essentials and one very old, very powerful seal she’d never feel safe leaving out of her sight for long.
when she returns to the living room, she scoops up a worn teddy bear that had been nestled under her blankets and shoves it, too, into her bag. ]
Right. I’m… I guess I’m ready. [ the idea of staying somewhere else feels strange. she knows she won’t be gone forever, maybe not even for long, but somehow it still manages to make her feel heavy; emotional. ]
[D waits patiently and doesn't go poking around Sharon's home. There's no reason.]
Let's go.
[He leads Sharon out. The coffin has been moved around a few times over the past month but the house it's in now is a close enough walk from its nearest lamp post.
The inside of the coffin is ornate and very gothic in its style, for all that the tower and its surrounding garden also manage the feel of a nice summer home in the mountains. It's always daylight inside, but with the magical sleep D will be putting Sharon under that won't really matter.]
[ even in her grief, she still somehow manages to get a little starry-eyed when they enter the coffin. she's never seen anything like it but once she's over her awe (which takes several minutes of curious exploration), she'll finally turn to him. ]
So... how does this sleep work? Does it last a long time?
We can make it shorter, but I had planned for you to sleep until morning.
[Vampires have a tendency to be extravagant in their decoration, and while this coffin is somewhat modest by comparison to a lot of Nobility's tastes it's still very luxurious by most other standards.]
No. No, I think morning is a good idea. [ She really needs as much rest as she can get right now. She's run herself ragged. ] It'll be nice to finally sleep through the night for once.
[ Even when she's not grieving, or in a state of high stress, her sleep is always broken. Nightmares are always on the edge of her consciousness. As she got older, they woke her up much less, but it happens more often than it doesn't.
She'll peek through the rooms on the first floor, still in visible awe. She's never been anywhere quite so nice. She never grew up in squalor but many of the homes Chris could manage to get them into had seen better days. She picks a room and drops her bag into a chair. ] It's not such a bad place you got yourself.
[ Sharon does as he suggests. She slips off her shoes and slides them to the side before she changes into a clean pair of pajamas and slips into the bed, sliding under the covers. She would have felt awkward and out of place in any room here but her exhaustion and grief make those feelings difficult to hold onto; just a momentary blip in her mind. ]
All right. [ She calls to him. ] Knock me the fuck out, D. [ She means it both genuinely and humorously. ]
[D is patient, he can hear every move and rustle of cloth, but he waits for Sharon to call him in.]
Good night, Sharon.
[He puts his hand on her shoulder for just a moment. It's the same deep sleep he uses to keep bite victims from being called or commanded by a vampire, but for a different purpose now. It might not be healthy long term due to the complete lack of REM sleep but it's better than no sleep or heavily interrupted sleep.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 06:48 pm (UTC)[D has had people cry on him before and he doesn't mind. He wouldn't mind if Sharon leaned on him for that but doesn't think she will. So he's offering the touch he wouldn't normally volunteer.]
You might still have a connection to that place instead of merely remembering it. It was the place where you suffered, and so when you suffer your mind is drawn there or to those memories.
[Sharon's guardian makes D think she's still connected, but he's not quite ready to voice those theories.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-19 02:39 am (UTC)I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. [ she whispers like it’s some fearful thing or a dangerous secret the rest of the world shouldn’t be privy to ] I sometimes wonder if it’s with me, that wherever I exist it exists. That maybe one day something will happen here and push me over some imaginary ledge and I’ll drag the people here into that hell.
[ that frightens her as much as it comforts her and the comfort she feels disturbs her. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-22 06:58 pm (UTC)The odds that no one here has an ability that could get us out are very low.
[D could probably do it, but Sharon's connection to this place make his options risky to her in this hypothetical situation.]
We can work on exploring your connection to your guardian and the other world if that's something you want, but that's a path that might leave you unable to return to how you are now.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-24 12:40 am (UTC)[ her fear is less that people will be trapped there and more the possible judgement that would come after. the looks. the whispers. even the faintest possibility that she’ll be seen like Alessa had been, a demon and a monster and the living embodiment of sin, makes her heart start to race and palms sweat. ]
I don’t want to be seen as a monster again and I’m afraid that’s what I am. If I open that place up, that’s what I’ll be again.
I don’t want to lose myself to that darkness.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-24 04:07 pm (UTC)[D is still holding her, he brushes some of the hair hanging down around her face back slightly with a gentle movement from his other hand.]
No one needs that to be a monster. You've seen them. They tell themselves they're doing what's best or make some other excuse for what they do.
I won't tell you not to fear being seen as a monster. It's the life a Dhampir lives, and it's not a pleasant one.
But as long as you're my apprentice I won't let anyone hunt you as a monster. If you lose yourself, I'll bring you back. I promise.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-25 01:57 am (UTC)tears pool at the corners of her vision and before she starts to cry she launches herself forward to wrap her arms around him in a desperate embrace; clinging to him, burying her face. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 04:44 am (UTC)He wraps his both arms around her to hold her close as she hides her face against him.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 11:07 pm (UTC)Rose and Chris had given her fresh faith, however, and D has helped strengthen that faith.
after a time, she finally pulls back, cheeks still damp, eyes puffy. she avoids eye contact now, almost as if she were ashamed of herself. she rubs the fabric of her pajamas between index and thumb in an anxious manner, eyes downcast. ]
Sorry. [ she forces the apology out, the word tight. ] I guess I’m… I’m feeling worse than I thought.
[ between the grief and the exhaustion and relief brought on by D’s words, she’s drained. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-04 03:02 am (UTC)[D doesn't like the sight of people crying, but he's not going to be the one to tell them not to cry when they need to.]
Are you ready to go get some sleep now? It won't make it all better, but at least you'll be less tired.
[And no nightmares.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-05 07:18 pm (UTC)Yeah. [ a grouping of nods this time ] Yeah, I am. It’s been a while since I’ve looked forward to crashing.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-07 06:33 pm (UTC)[He expects Sharon to give Nico enough space. He's seen the two of them talking, and she of all people can understand the worry of power going out of her control and harming others.]
The second floor and everything below it are free to use.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-07 08:08 pm (UTC)I’ll grab my shit. Give me a minute. [ she exits the living room with a shuffle and, by the creaking sounds of the staircase, heads upstairs. it only takes a few minutes before she stumbles back down them, a leather bag slung over a shoulder, stuffed hastily with clothes and various essentials and one very old, very powerful seal she’d never feel safe leaving out of her sight for long.
when she returns to the living room, she scoops up a worn teddy bear that had been nestled under her blankets and shoves it, too, into her bag. ]
Right. I’m… I guess I’m ready. [ the idea of staying somewhere else feels strange. she knows she won’t be gone forever, maybe not even for long, but somehow it still manages to make her feel heavy; emotional. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-14 01:59 am (UTC)Let's go.
[He leads Sharon out. The coffin has been moved around a few times over the past month but the house it's in now is a close enough walk from its nearest lamp post.
The inside of the coffin is ornate and very gothic in its style, for all that the tower and its surrounding garden also manage the feel of a nice summer home in the mountains. It's always daylight inside, but with the magical sleep D will be putting Sharon under that won't really matter.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-14 03:02 am (UTC)So... how does this sleep work? Does it last a long time?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-15 06:18 pm (UTC)[Vampires have a tendency to be extravagant in their decoration, and while this coffin is somewhat modest by comparison to a lot of Nobility's tastes it's still very luxurious by most other standards.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-16 12:08 am (UTC)[ Even when she's not grieving, or in a state of high stress, her sleep is always broken. Nightmares are always on the edge of her consciousness. As she got older, they woke her up much less, but it happens more often than it doesn't.
She'll peek through the rooms on the first floor, still in visible awe. She's never been anywhere quite so nice. She never grew up in squalor but many of the homes Chris could manage to get them into had seen better days. She picks a room and drops her bag into a chair. ] It's not such a bad place you got yourself.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 02:22 am (UTC)[D waits outside the room rather than come inside just yet.]
I suggest you get comfortable, you'll fall asleep right away.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 09:46 pm (UTC)All right. [ She calls to him. ] Knock me the fuck out, D. [ She means it both genuinely and humorously. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-22 03:58 pm (UTC)Good night, Sharon.
[He puts his hand on her shoulder for just a moment. It's the same deep sleep he uses to keep bite victims from being called or commanded by a vampire, but for a different purpose now. It might not be healthy long term due to the complete lack of REM sleep but it's better than no sleep or heavily interrupted sleep.]